Wander round Trerice | My National Trust |

This weekend it was beautifully sunny and we headed to Trerice near Newquay. When we first arrived there we had a picnic lunch – as we are trying to save money at the moment we always pack a picnic! It’s so expensive eating out and it’s just not something we can afford right now.

As we have National Trust memberships it’s effectively free for us to go to Trerice which is great.

After our lunch we went for a wander round the gardens. We really enjoyed playing the lawn games which they had there and the girls enjoyed rolling around on the grass for some reason!

There was a room in which you could try on some traditional clothing which, to be honest, I think I enjoyed more than the girls! You could also do some craft activities but the girls were a bit too young for that.

We then wandered around the house which was lovely. The girls were allowed to hold a big sword which was a bit scary!

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We then decided that we couldn’t resist the delicious looking lemon meringue pie, so we bought 1 piece to share between all 4 of us! It was actually nearly £5 for a piece so I’m glad we only went for 1! It was as delicious as it looked though.

Finally we had a bit more of a wander around the gardens which the girls absolutely loved. They love anything which gives them a chance to have a run round!

We thoroughly enjoyed our time at Trerice. It was much smaller than Lanhydrock but it was also way less crowded and had a much more chilled out atmosphere. The sun definitely helped the day be such a success.

Photo shoot with Melanie Grace Photography

A couple of months a go the lovely Melanie from Melanie Grace Photography came over to my house to photograph us for her “Motherhood in my words” series. I have only just got round to posting the photos on my blog because my internet is really bad at the moment and I can’t upload such large files. Anyway, I will link to the blog post on her website here.

Melanie asked me to choose the location of the shoot and I chose my own home. We always take photos when we’re out and about (although not to this standard) but I wanted to capture the memories of the every day, homey moments with my girls that I want to treasure forever.

Melanie asked me to write a few words for her blog about my experience of motherhood, here’s what I wrote:

Motherhood In My Words

At first, my confidence was rock bottom because I didn’t know what I was doing as a first time mum, I was constantly second guessing myself and worrying about whether I was doing the wrong thing.

I breastfed the girls, which meant for the first four months there was pretty much always a baby with me. With that I started to feel like I lost my identity and with it my confidence. I didn’t know who I was without the girls and it actually got to the point where I didn’t like going anywhere without them. I became a bit of a social recluse because I felt like I had nothing in common with anyone and other mums wouldn’t like me because I was only 22 when I had the girls and as such I was a lot younger than most mums I met!

But as the girls got older I began to regain my confidence and I actually felt like I started to learn more about myself and aspects of my character that I hadn’t noticed before. I started to find a lot about myself that I liked, such as strength, determination and unbelievable love which gave me more confidence and made me feel proud of myself.

As the girls became more independent and we settled in to a better routine I found myself finding more enjoyment in going out with them and also meeting other mums and became happy and confident in myself instead of constantly worrying about what people thought of me.

The best advice I could give to a new mum would be to remember that nothing is forever. The really difficult times won’t last forever but neither will the good times so make sure you treasure all the good moments and that will help you through the bad ones! You can never take too many photos and videos and you’ll always look back and wish you had more! Especially in the first few weeks, make sure you are in lots of pictures despite how bad you think you look because you’ll regret it if you don’t! You don’t have to show anyone else anyway!

I would also say try to be relaxed and go with the flow, we all have ideals of how things will be, we won’t use dummies and we’ll be in a routine from six weeks but if you aren’t pragmatic you end up stressing yourself out!

Sometimes it’s ok to throw the advice and the rules out the window and do it your way – parental instinct is a real thing!

I absolutely adore all the photos that Mel took. We started off in the living room, playing and reading books. I must admit the girls weren’t very good at pretending the camera wasn’t there!

We then got our wellies on and headed outside. Playing in the garden is such a huge part of our life here and I’m so glad we captured it.

Then we headed back in and the girls had their lunch.

I then got the girls ready for their nap!

I could not be more thrilled with the photographs and I would recommend a session with Mel to anyone.

Being mum: to twin toddlers (15m-18m)

Now the girls are 18 months old I consider them properly toddlers! Since my last update they have really honed their skills at walking. They are both able to walk extremely confidently now and sometimes we are able to leave the buggy in the car and just let them walk. However they are still quite slow and they don’t listen to instructions so it can be difficult letting them walk when I’m on my own with them. I tend to put them in the buggy and only let them walk when there’s plenty of space and they can’t hurt themselves! They don’t enjoy being in the buggy and just want to walk everywhere so it can be more difficult and stressful taking them out!

They are also absolutely amazing at speech now. They learn new words every single day and constantly make my heart melt with the cute little pronunciation they have! They understand a lot of instructions as well and I can tell them to do things, whether they do it is another matter!

In the past few months we have also started to do a lot more play groups and generally make more friends. I can’t say the girls are particularly friendly because they really don’t like sharing! But it’s nice having new friends nonetheless.

Friendship is the word I would use to sum up this stage with the girls. Not about others though. No, my friendship with the girls has really truly blossomed. We are so close now and I really feel like our family is becoming such a lovely unit that’s getting knitted stronger each day. The girls are both mummy’s girls which can be difficult and sad for Josh but I know it’s just a phase. They won’t always favour me so I’m going to enjoy every moment as much as I can!

DOTTY IS 18 MONTHS OLD ❤ what a difference the last 3 months have made. Dotty is now walking with confidence and climbing everything in sight. She is a very confident little soul and is happy around new people and new surroundings. She still absolutely adores all cuddly toys- they are her absolute favourite! She also loves water, especially splashing in puddles. She will spot a puddle from a mile off and take a huge detour to splash in it! A true older sister she’s the leader and the initiator of mischief. She also has a very bad temper and scratches, bites, hits and kicks a LOT! Her vocabulary has got so good and she is really good at pronouncing the whole word rather than just the first sound. Her favourite word is “wow” – Dotty we adore you so much! Happy half birthday x x

Margot is 18 months today! She is definitely the more shy of the two and finds new people and situations quite overwhelming. She often looks a bit serious but once she knows you she is so silly and fun! She loves chatting and is constantly walking around jabbering away to herself! She copies everything Dotty does and has also started copying actions and facial expressions of people on the tv. She’s very helpful and enjoys tidying things away, she is also very kind and sensitive and if Dotty is crying she always brings her her dummy or toy monkey. She has started to string sentences together normally including ‘all gone’ (or as she says gogone) she’s really good at following instructions and remembering what she has to do in certain situations. She is still the bigger twin and loves her food… She is hard work on a day out and loves doing the actions to “head, shoulders, knees and toes” . We love you so much Margot, happy half birthday baby! X x x

Motherhood, one year on

Just over a year a go I became a mum to twins. In December 2015 I found out I was pregnant and it was totally unplanned, in fact it was something I really didn’t want at that time in my life. So now, after a year’s experience of motherhood under my belt, how do I really feel about it?

People may expect me to say that I wouldn’t change a thing, I’m so glad everything worked out the way it did. And whilst that’s true to an extent… there is still a lot I would change. I believe that everything happens for a reason, that ultimately, the life of my two daughters was planned and purposed by God. But that doesn’t mean that I get why right now. I kinda thought that once I had the girls there would be this “ohhh” moment where suddenly it all clicked and I realised why God had chosen now to bless me with these two precious people but in all honesty I still don’t know. I wouldn’t change Dorothy and Margot for absolutely anything, they are completely perfect. But the timing? Yes, that I would still change. In my worldly view I ask myself why. Why now? Why not at a time when I had more money, not at university, a few more years of marriage under my belt. Why not at a time when I’m a bit older and not always the youngest mum in the room. Why not at a time when my siblings have children and my babies can grow up with their cousins.

But I choose to have faith, I choose to believe that the reason why will become clear to me with time. Maybe that’s in a few months or twenty years, I don’t know. I trust in God’s timing above anything.

Motherhood suits me, though. I actually love it more than I ever thought possible. Out of everything in my life I ever thought I’d be good at, being a mum was never one of them. But I have actually surprised myself so much, the way I love my babies is so fierce, so selfless, so tireless. I could literally endure anything for them and I never knew I could feel like that. I never knew I could deny myself again and again, I never knew I could be this patient and constant. In a strange way they have given me a new found confidence in myself and who I am just by being their mum. I feel stronger and more content in myself than I ever have done. 

I recently got accepted on to an MA at a university. Unfortunately I had to give it up for now because I couldn’t get childcare sorted… I felt like I had lost so much when I gave that up but over the last few weeks I have realised that I’venot lost anything but gained everything. I am my children’s main carer and influence and if that means I can’t start a career til I’m 27 then how much have I actually lost?! I have given a few short years of my life to my children to shape their future and I can’t see anything negative about that.

So what’s motherhood like after a year? Pretty sh*tty at times. But also wonderful, exhilarating, funny, silly, messy, crazy, loud, beautiful and so much more.

Can’t wait to see what the next few years hold. 

Being mum: newborn 

I have decided to start a new series on my blog called “being mum” which is going to be about my take on motherhood at each different stage of the girls’ lives. I guess they will be quite small age gaps as the girls are young and changing so much but eventually will become yearly! 

The first stage is newborn… to me this is 0-2 months, mainly because they are 2 months now! This stage has been particularly challenging… in fact the most challenging so far (haha). The first few weeks were all about getting used to them and healing from my c section. I was never alone with the girls, I always had Josh with me for the first nearly three weeks. They fed frequently in the early days as their tummies were so small and breast feeding started so well. I really enjoyed bonding with them although the night feeds were hard. 

Everyone says you just instantly fall in love with your baby/ babies but for me this wasn’t the case. Don’t get me wrong I loved them, but it was a kind of raw, primal love which was focused on their needs and keeping them alive rather than the rosy, I want to stare at you all day kinda love. I’m sure many mums feel like that but their arrival was quite traumatic which you can read about here. I was in a bit of shock I’d say and if I’m honest I was quite scared of them and the huge responsibility they were going to be! I also was incredibly weak from my section so I didn’t really feel able to pick them up or move around much which made it more challenging. 

Eventually as I grew stronger so did our bond. I credit so much of this to breast feeding which established a deep connection between us. My love for these girls grows deeper with every pooey nappy, sleepless night and projectile vomit. The first 6 weeks were basically recovery for me… from my surgery, from the shock and trauma and from the transition from one way of life to another. Now it’s getting more fun… the smiles are there, the personalities are developing and they are a lot less sleepy. This first 2 months has been a lot of breastfeeding and bring glued to the sofa and of course a lot of interest from passers by! 

 

Dotty at 2 months old ❤
She is definitely still the more chilled of the two & she loves her dummy for comfort. She is bursting out of 0-1 month clothing but 0-3 is still a bit baggy. This month we have started a bedtime routine where they’re both in bed for 8… however Dotty likes to have a long nap at 6pm just to be difficult! She also often decides that 4am is party time! She absolutely loves staring at people and studying their faces. She pulls really funny faces whilst she’s asleep. And of course this month she learned to smile! Her cry is more high pitched and blood curdling and she loves snuggling like a little koala bear. She only likes bath time when she’s not hungry and when she comes out her hair looks so funny! she doesn’t mind getting punched in the face by Margot although she still takes very little interest in her. She feeds on average 13 times a day & Daddy gives her a bottle of expressed milk every night before bed. She can easily polish off 5oz and still be hungry!

Margot at 2 months! 

Either smiling or screaming her head off. She loves doing a little “my life is so hard” sigh in the middle of crying. Her neck is so strong probably cos she is so feisty. She’s never not hungry and always wants to be sitting up. She already knows her own mind – what Margot wants she gets… little diva!! She’s a drama queen and acts like the world is ending if you aren’t looking at her for 30 seconds! She loves white noise and sleeping on her tummy when she can. We think she kinda looks like a teenage mutant ninja turtle! She has a beautiful smile & hates sleeping as it gets in the way of learning about the world. She loves being in her sling and hates her carry cot and she’s very interested in staring at her sister. She feeds on average 15 times a day and does the loudest burps ever!
Hope you enjoy these posts!